Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The ground is crunchy is so white and crispy outside! MY breath is smokin. It was such a shocking wake up when I walked out of the nice toasty hospital into the negative whatever the windchill was this morning. And it's going to be 7 degrees friday! The cats will become even furrier. :o) The poofball will get even poofier.
I'm trying to decide between going to bed for a few hours of just staying up and going to bed super early. This coffee may decide for me. Last night was a pretty descent night at work. No one died- well, actually one did, but they were planning on No code blue or anything. No one threatened to sue, no one got angry and smarted one fell out of the bed or pulled out any tubes. ugh, I hate my job. I'm pretty much stuck with it seems that there is nothing else to do these days. Unless I'd like to go to McDonalds.
Lee is gone to his math class....... he thinks he is so cool. When he starts making more money than me, then I'll think he is cool too. :o) This crazy way of life that everyone lives is so not natural. I really feel that need to be at home doing houshold things..the woman's work. I WANT to take care of my home and my 2 person family- unless you count cats. Then it's a family of about 9 . I hate having to play catch up all the time. when I'm off- catch up on laundry, catch up on bill paying, catch up on groceries, catch up on CLEANING. Cook a real meal. I used to like cooking most of the time I'd rather just put a pizza in the oven. I want to want to cook. IT is really a female instinct to want to take care of there little spot on the earth. And cook and clean and make it pretty....... I think only in the new world will we know how really unhappy we are now. WE just really don't even know how miserable we are. It has just slowly become our way of living. Just one thing at a time gets stacked on our shoulders and we don't notice how uncomfortable we really are. One day it will all be lifted and we will be like........PHew! Man, I feel good! I forgot that I could feel better. WE are being programmed to think that we must be doing something at all times. No time for rest. Rest is for lazy people. Lee layed down and took a nap the other day, and I layed down with him. I probably layed there for 3 minutes before I was looking at the wall, and the clock feeling guilty for taking a nap because There were some dirty forks and spoons in the sink, and there was laundry sitting in the dryer....etc. I was TIRED......who is going to care if I take a nap??? No one....... but we must have our house looking like the one on the mr clean commercial at all times. I don't want to feel like don't have the right to take a nap. The dishes aren't going anywhere, they will wait for me to wake up.....
I don't think my job helps matters. I spend hours and hours making people feel better, answering there every request, listening to complain complain complain.........when I come home......I 'd like to have my own little call light to push and request and be the one complaining. Fluff my pillow......I need 2 more blankets. MY water isn't cold enough. MY head hurts. My light nees turned off. MY back needs a pillow under it. The temperature in here isn't right. The curtain needs to be closed better. MY phone needs to be closer to me. What took you so long?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. now multiply that times 12. I think about how we are told to do personal's like filling our tank up again. We go out and teach and give of ourselves and we have to do our own personal study to build ourselves back up...........well I think that is true when it comes to just our selves as a whole......our energy. I run myself ragged giving people whatever they want. And trying to keep them satisfied, well I run out of energy and caring, and compassion and sympathy. Sometimes I just want to say......' oh shut up you big winey baby '.
I don't know how people are nurses for 25 and 35 years. I would go bald.


Heather said...

I don't know how you do it. I know I don't have what it takes for nursing, even if I wasn't so squeamish. Hang in there!

And I know what you mean about being bogged down in this old system of things. Except for one whole month that I drew unemployment I've worked since I was 17. That's fourteen years of working and not knowing what it's like to have freetime whenever I want.

Our house seems to be a perpetual mess. Even though I get off work at 2:30, I've been up since 4:30, so I'm pretty drained by the time I get home. There's always laundry in the dryer & baskets, and yeah...we do frozen pizzas too. I would love to be able to keep house, cook Brandon a nice meal every night, and go out in service during the week instead of to work. One day!!!

Rachel said...

I hear ya! I couldn't be a nurse. I see what our nurses go through everyday and it sucks. But let me tell you clerical work in an office is rough. It is people complaining all day about everything and wanting you go to out of your way to kiss thier butts. It is so stressful.
I can't wait for the new system. I will feel so spoiled. I have worked off and on since I was 14. It is hard. I miss when I had free time and could keep the house clean. But with the way things are with the economy there is no way anymore. Maybe one day.
Our house was out of control. I did a lot of cleaning Saturday just trying to catch up. By the time I get home I just want to rest. But the litter box needs chaning and dishes and clothes need to be done. It never ends. Oh well I guess that is life for now.

Gary and Emily said...

You got the hodges gene that I skipped! Remember when we would think dad was weird because he wouldn't take the time to do anything.there was always something he had to get done. we could see that it would still be there and as soon as it was gone something else would just fill its place.ME I don't care unless it has a due date i don't do it until I feel like it or can't stand it anymore.Gary will eventually start to clean or go buy some paper plates or cups :) If I don't want to do something I say I don't want to do it. If I want something I say I want it.The worlds not going to come to an end if you take time to do something for yourself. Like lay in bed for 2days and make lee cook for and keep your water cold enough haha.
Matter of fact, I haven't felt good for the last two days so gary asked me to call in to work today and just stay home in bed and rest!